Expectations

I was traveling at the time; I lived in airports and hotels. I had developed that jaded outlook on traveling that many frequent travelers have – avoiding eye contact (and thus conversation) with your fellow travelers because you don’t want to get drawn into a mind-numbingly boring conversation with someone whose passion in life is collecting vintage bottle caps.

After a long day of training at hotel in Arizona I went to the hotel bar for a beer. I was happy to see that the place was deserted and that the bartender was not one of those chatty types who wanted to play twenty questions. I could enjoy my novel in peace and quiet.

To my chagrin, a vintage bottle cap collector came in and sat down next to me and started yapping endlessly. I was about to escape to my room when an older couple came into the bar.

I noticed them immediately. They looked to be in their early sixties; very fit & energetic. I was somehow drawn to them. I found myself tuning the bottle cap collector out and watching this couple. I don’t make a habit of gawking at strangers, but they exuded an energy that was magnetic.

I KNEW these were the two happiest people in the world.

It was odd… how could I be so sure of something I had no way of knowing? There was no logic behind it, just a gut feeling. I couldn’t contain my curiosity – I had to talk to them.

Exactly how does one strike up a conversation with a couple in a bar without seeming like a weirdo? I couldn’t think of a good way, so I simply walked up and said something like: “Excuse me. I know this is going to sound strange, but I noticed you the minute you walked in and I couldn’t help feeling that that you are the two happiest people I have ever seen.”

They laughed. Not the nervous laugh of two people trying to pacify a lunatic, but an “oh, we get that all the time,” laugh. We introduced ourselves; their names were Jan and Dan.

They proceeded to tell their story. They’d been married to each other for 3 years. Both were married before and widowed. They’d led reasonably happy lives before meeting each other & neither was looking to get involved in a relationship when they met.

They met on an airplane. They had both stayed out late with friends the night before and were hoping to rest on the flight home. When Dan took the seat next to Jan, she cringed. She said to the stranger, “I hope you won’t think me rude, but I’m not feeling up to having a conversation and would like to just nap during the flight.” Relieved, Dan responded “Oh thank goodness, me too.”

That was the beginning of a conversation that lasted for the duration of the flight. As they gathered their things to disembark, Dan nervously asked Jan if they could meet again sometime. Jan agreed and they exchanged phone numbers.

By this time, a couple other people had joined us at the bar. Their story and their telling of it entranced everyone, including the bartender.

After several months of enjoying each other’s company as friends they realized they were madly in love and were married. During the short time that they’d been together they had many adventures and lived every day to its fullest.

Dan talked about how they accepted each other completely. Jan talked about the openness and genuine affection they shared. My original assessment was confirmed, they really were the happiest couple I’d ever met. I thought this was some powerful kind of magic. I asked them their secret for happiness.

Jan leaned back in her chair while she pondered the question. Finally with a far-away & thoughtful look, she said, “expectations will be the ruination of the world.”

Aside from my fascination with the word “ruination,” it had an immediate impact on me. The more I thought about it, the more truth and meaning I found in that one little statement. When I reviewed my life, I found that most of my disappointments came as a result of having unfair or unrealistic expectations of those around me. Jan and Dan were right… expectations will be the ruination of the world.

I also learned that it sometimes pays to talk to strangers when traveling.